Attraction | Infatuation | Love .:. Which one is it ???

Attraction , Infatuation or Love’?

Is Boy-Girl Relationship an Issue?

1.  According to students’ feedback from single gender as well as co-ed Schools, most of them are affected by it from as early as junior classes and that the bar is getting lower.  Intensity of it continues even during college life.

2.  Essence of the issue boils down to developing a clear perspective on  attraction, infatuation & love viewed through the Prism of Values.

3.  Prism of Values: What is it? This prism helps one to understand the difference between Rights & Wrongs and develop the ability to follow the path of righteousness having objectively evaluated the consequences of choices.  It has to be self-implanted after working thru the maze of self doubts. Fact is that those without the prism in place are likely to be misguided by feelings and feel like helpless losers.

4.  Why is it an Issue?

• In this competing world of materialism, parents have very little time to interact with children to provide them emotional support. Thus most children with empty love tank remain vulnerable to peer pressure and develop immature understanding of relationship.
• Parents with conservative and traditional mind sets adopt an ostrich approach on the issue of sexuality and B-G relationship. Result, kids grow up with unhealthy attitude towards such relationship.
• In absence of credible source to clarify doubts, youth rely on unfiltered inputs from peers and media.
• Media influence (TV, internet, pornography) is so powerful that most teenagers learn to make choices without thinking of consequences be it violence, substance abuse and physical relationship. Intriguingly, they fail to realize that media never addresses negative consequences of choices.
• Warped value consensus of Money, Power & Status prevalent all around.
• With confusing inputs from elders (parents, relatives & teachers), kids grow up without a clear understanding whether it is good or bad to talk with the opposite sex?

Real Life Examples.

1.  Three class IX students were extremely worried about their performance in the ensuing annual examination. Distracted by girls and their revealing clothes, they were unable to concentrate on studies.  Was it attraction or infatuation or love?

2.  One late evening, a class VIII boy arrives at Doon Youth Center (DYC) seeking an urgent counseling session. While sitting down, he shared his ‘bhayankar’ depression.  His recent proposal was not only rejected by her, she has also snapped their friendship of 8 months.  The boy was planning to commit suicide if she did not speak to him by a certain date. Was it attraction or infatuation or love?

3.  One 17 year old girl was into relationship with a guy for few years. During this time she could sense that he was using her emotionally and financially by cooking up stories. Somehow she was unable to say NO to his frequent demands for money. Suddenly he started ignoring her. Unable to deal with her emotional struggle, she sought help at DYC. Was it attraction or infatuation or love?

4.  A class XII girl was asked to have sexual contact as a birthday gift to her boy friend. Was it attraction or infatuation or love?

Factors Affecting B/G Relationship.

1.  Clear understanding of the dynamics of boy-girl relationship needs to be worked out by each individual based on certain real life parameters having bearing on relationship. Once the factual aspects crystalise, a teenager is likely to be better equipped to deal with this crucial struggle of adolescence.  Obvious question, therefore, would be what are the factors that affect relationship?

2.  Few basic factors are:

a.   Do we respect each other? In other words do we respect perspective/choice of each other?

b.  Do we trust each other?

c.   Do we understand each other?

d.  Are we transparent in sharing feelings?

e.   Are we possessive of each other? In other words am I comfortable when my friend interacts with others irrespective of gender?

f.   Do we spend long hours in person or on telephone?

g.  Do I feel insecure when I am unable to keep contact with my partner?

h.  Am I able to disagree with my partner without hesitation?

i.    Are parents aware of our relationship?

j.    Do I feel weak while interacting with my partner?

Check List as a Ready Reckoner

By making use of the ready reckoner  it should be possible to identify the type of relationship in each case.

Conclusion.

1.  Whereas it is a natural phenomenon to feel attracted for the opposite sex, remaining distracted by it should raise alarm bells.  By inserting the prism of values in one’s thinking would enable an adolescent to manage his/her feelings to maintain a healthy relationship without getting distracted.

2.  In the existing circumstances, youth have no option but to empower themselves by raising their awareness level on issues that parents and teachers are not comfortable talking. They need to interact on such issues with someone of their choice so that they are equipped to deal with real life situations comfortably.

P.S. : A big hug and much thanks go out to Sushant who put this article together !

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