My friend was complaining of growing old today.She said that she should be getting married to a good looking guy before she grows too old, and again something started to bug me.

1. Why do we complain when we grow old ?
2. Is life all about getting married ?
3. Is a person all about looks ?

Age is something which cannot be reversed.Life has phases which come one after another with passage of time and complaining will not help the cause. That was easy…huh!!

Now a difficult question..is life all about getting married.. hmm, don’t really know but one thing is for sure life is just not about getting married only. If I ask my parents they have a very clear view that everything in their opinion is related to marriage…like we grow, we study, we work, why ? So that we get married to a good girl and then have a secure future.

Looks ..wow..again a tough one..my teachers told me that looks and a good dressing sense are the prerequisites of a good personality..even my mother wants a beautiful girl for me. But then if everyone wants a good looking spouse then what will happen of those who are not as good looking ?
Any ways, but are looks that important ? I guess personality does not comprise of looks one single percent…at all..I was thinking that after a certain age all of us will look the same, and how does looks help me to be a better person.
I read somewhere that according to a study, good looking people progress faster in corporates than others…wow..I need to get some plastic surgery..

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  • Abhishek

    A well-written post, I must admit.

    I was compelled to comment here as I have been battling with the question myself. Life is definitely not only about getting married but yes, it does have its advantages. It does provide a certain stability to you and (in most cases) unconditional support of someone you can trust.
    Marriage has a lot to do with our social circle and we are still caught in the web of “what will people say”. But most definitely, looks do not matter. What you must consider is the individual and not just one aspect of him/her.
    I do not have any study results to support my claim but I believe that the reason everyone wants a “good-looking” partner stems from our basic instincts of having a better off-spring. There are several research done on animals to prove this.
    To sum it up, its a complex issue with several facets to it. Each one can only debate on them from their perspective.

  • Kunal

    Hmnnn… a friend was talking about marriage yesterday and what he looks for in a girl…. Understanding, he said… how is it that he will find out if the girl really understands him? i asked. what are the consequences of marring the wrong person?? Most people don’t think about one of the most important decisions in life! They just Do-It, judging a person based on looks, “family-whatever that means” and wealth!

    He left thinking.

    Another friend called me up today at 8 in the morning, struggling in her marriage… another told me a few days back that she feels its better to die…. with her 3 year old son. Sad but true. Choices have consequences. most of us will marry just once…. for me, divorce isn’t an option… but is my choice based on the right parameters in the first place?

  • meeta parmar

    Hi Anshul,
    Interesting post.
    Having crossed 50 and married for 30yrs,i would like to share my perspective on the issues u hve raised.
    Qs 1)Over with bringingup children and being financially more stable (than post- marriage initial period of setting up the household within very modest resources), I’m much more free & relaxed now to enjoy life. More than that , with age and experience,I’m wiser, matured and more confident of myself which makes life happier. Having said that , I do feel a little jittery abt life later If old age problems set in !!

    Qs 2)Though i do feel marriage provides stabilty,companionship and emotional support to go through lifes ups and downs (assuming both partners are matured enough ); i do not certainly think life is all about getting married , especially in the modern times when one has more scope and options to fulfill one’s dreams and goals.

    QS 3)Looks is the Least important about a person !! moreover, its totally based on individual perception.( To me Nandita Das Is more beutiful than Aishwariya Rai !!)

  • Ojasvi

    Aww.. :)

    That was one of the most sincere expression of the futility of mirrors and cosmetics and of matrimony ~ that obviously pervades over every realm of our life till ofcos we do not commit to it by way of marriage!!
    *Looks* (Like the gentleman referred here) however as much as I cry hoarse, convincing even myself , remains an acrid reality! Sad but it is important..Vanity is vain but *fetchable* nonetheless even to the moralists who look deeper than the skin ! I don blame me because the first point of reference terminally remains that of a conatct with the *outer semblance* encased in flesh and visible bodily traits! And Why Crib!
    How many of us can comfortably *detest* looking at Megan Fox or Gerard B the Hottie ?? We all thrive on appreciation, we like to bask under it, we don’t seem to complain when a flattering remark comes our way~ Nice dress,Great Shoes,Wow the hair looks lovely ~~ C’mon Don’t strangle yourself with hypocrisy.
    Its important how you DON’T dilute your perception and build walls~ everything hangs in a balance! If there is Yin walking abreast is Yang !
    BEAUTY and assigning regard to it, is not *INCORRECT* ,Erecting unfortunate, illogical opinions bordering ONLY on vanity IS!

    Thanks,

    PS: Apologies for the monologue, if at all considerd one!

  • vaibhav bansal

    Hey how crazy is it to ask a question like importance of looks for marriage?
    it is the most important thing in life. LOOKS! They catch the eye and also get u out of turn promotions..
    Who cares about the values of a person. Come on man. You are dangerous as u r asking some tough questions.. keep up the good work bro.

  • http://siddatwork.com Webmaster

    I am the chairman of my marriage and all and sundry are advisers.

    Marriage is my own choice and society/parents/friends will be heard but will not be making that choice on my behalf. For goodness sakes, the society and parents have huge issues in their own marriages, what on earth makes them think that can choose a spouse for us !
    Advise is ok, but please remember that I am going to call the shots and not you.

    I am this far down in the comment and “looks” haven’t featured. That says something, I think.

    Making a well informed choice, based on value system/ethics, belief system as being some of the majors was my chosen path. That “look” thingy somewhere along the way, sort of aligned itself, I guess.

    When you are marrying once and divorce is not an option, then you better get it as right as it can be. I think I just got reminded of “Handsome is as handsome does” .

    P.S. And yeah, I got lots of help from God in making that decision. :)
    Here’s a link to it http://thedyc.org/blog/wedding-bells-at-dyc/

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  • Leena Sharma

    Very interesting post.

    Believe me guys I have been struggling with this issue since a very long time. I don’t understand why people are so bothered about me getting married ? I am not ‘anti marriage kinds’ but yes I would like to marry the right person. Marriage is not an open ended institution for me. But people around me don’t understand that.
    I met a class mate from my school some time back in a gym. She asked me “Leena are you married ?” I said “no”.I was amazed at her reply, she said “I’m really sorry to know that”. I was so taken aback that I could just reply “if I am not sorry, why are you ?”
    I am happy for all the people who are married. God bless them. But why force any one to get married ?
    Why is it so difficult for people to accept a single woman in the society ?
    Can’t I just be known for my self and not as some one’s wife ?

    Marriage cannot be forced by any one, be it our parents, siblings, friends or the society.
    I’m sure my heart will stay beautiful as long as I live, who care’s about the looks ?

    • http://siddatwork.com Webmaster

      Yeah, Leena , these people I tell you , these people ! Argh.

    • http://anshulsgarage.blogspot.com/ Anshul

      This reminds me of a friend who got married just because her parents wanted, as she was already 25 ( wow…too old na )..n guess what she separated within a year..whom do you blame now???

      Like you say marriage is not an open ended institution for you..the choice to stay single for a bit longer is any time better than ruining your married life with a wrong person….but as Sidd says above… for these people ..really feel sorry.

      • http://heyithinkthisway.wordpress.com Bhavia
        • http://siddatwork.com Administrator

          Thanks for sharing the link. Appreciate if you could also be a little more descriptive in future.

  • Nishant Singh

    Amazing article by Anshul. Thumbs up man.
    Well most of the things about marriage have already been commented at.
    Sometimes i wonder why people say that i will marry a person who will understand me ‘fully’. Now there’s the catch. Till now, we have been facing difficulty understanding our own self, how can we expect someone else to understand us ‘fully’?

    I believe, its very important to marry a person who will respect you for what you are, not criticize you for what you are not. Someone who will support you and give you an insight into what you really are. Someone who appreciates your character and provides space for your love and affection to grow. Someone who can accept you to be an erring human and always willing to help you to change for the better.

    As far as looks are concerned, how long can someone’s better looks make you feel better? In that case, the ‘attraction’(and not love) is too shallow. I’m not saying that looks should be completely avoided while considering a marriage(we are all humans after all) but, to consider a marriage only on the basis of looks is humongous error. Looks should be of the least importance while looking out for the person who you truly want to spend your life with.
    Peace.

    • http://siddatwork.com Webmaster

      Wow, and that is a DYCian .. Ooohhhh La la la

  • Abhishek

    Very well said Nishant. Could not agree more with you about “the acceptance of each other” as being one of the most important criteria.

    Its really good to see such a healthy debate here.

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  • http://anshulsgarage.blogspot.com/ anshul

    Trust me its nice to see such a good response to something that has been a matter of thought for most of us but we are too lazy to spare a thought to it.

    IN “”OUR” culture
    1. marriage is the final destiny of our lives n then we are done with everything else.

    2. Marriage is only possible in two ways…firstly u like a girl..secondly if the first rule does not apply then leave it on parents….

    and the best part is in both the cases..no one thinks about the right partner and secondly approval of parents is a must.

    all in all this something which is to be seriously worked out otherwise one can be working out his entire life to fix it.

  • Abhay kumar

    Hi,
    it is really a good question and i really had a smile when i have gone through it however what i think according to priority bases quality matters coz this attracts u towards a person instead of looks .

  • Priyanka

    Wow!!!
    anshul never knew u write so well…Gosh!!
    khatarnak boss…

  • Manish

    Hey the dyc blog has suddendly picked up pace!!! Thanks to some thinking and articulative members!!!!!!!

  • Manish

    Its really interesting to see so many responses on the topic of marriage. I think it just shows the importance of marriage or at least its effect on our lives.

    1. Recently i have been really inspired with this 69yrs old lady from the states. She has just moved to India to work with kids!!!!!!! And she is so excited about her future!! She is so cute!!! I call her “dadiji”. she loves it!!!!
    2.The purpose of marriage won’t be clear unless we are clear about THE purpose our lives. Someone i know got married because he wanted to continue his “vansh”!! Unfortunately they have not been able to have a child. I wonder what’s the purpose of their marriage is !!!
    3. I still believe in the old saying that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

  • http://anshulsgarage.blogspot.com/ Anshul

    cheers manish…you know it’s high time we do that..

  • http://anshulsgarage.blogspot.com/ Anshul

    That is so true manish..I really did not think on those lines but now the picture is more clear…marriage has a lot to do with purpose in life..yeah!!! thanks

    • http://siddatwork.com Webmaster

      We are waiting for another hot post from you !

  • harpreet

    hey guys …

    m sure its good 2 get married and even important as well but its not such a big deal …. marraige is beautiful but only when its with a right person and believe me age , looks are not that a big issue … its better to live alone then to spend rest of your life with somebody who isnt worth it …. so …. dont be in hurry take your time and decide what you want to marry and is that what you really want !

    take care …