Relationships by sadlilelf


Many among us, frustrated from the deceptions we face in day to day life, make a choice to remain isolated; to turn ourselves into an island which is inaccessible to the world. We let no one build a bridge to it and/or anchor their ships on it. Eventually, we end up in a situation where guarding ourselves and our tormenting secrets becomes so much of a priority that we become irritated at the slightest amount of good behavior from anyone because we consider it an attempt of invasion. We metamorphose ourselves into a Loner.

When one attempts to justify such behavior, it can be rather sincerely justified with a myopic vision but when one attempts to look through the hourglass of time, he can notice the disastrous consequences that may arise.

A general human tendency is to avoid bad experiences. And when one discovers that many relationships that he cherishes in life are also a major source of bad experiences (because no relationship can exist without ups and downs), he tries to disconnect from these sources. If not managed properly, this can result in a mutual loss of warmth. Because the relationship is already going through a ‘down’ moment; the lack of communication at this stage leads to further slackening of the bonds and then snapping back of one or of both the parties into their respective cocoons.

If a person is going through hard times, this process can easily occur in most, even all, his relationships (though it may happen in superficially different manners) and the resultant cocoon can give birth to the ‘island’ — A Loner.

The Loner, at this stage, becomes the happiest person. The shards of the broken relationships are stepped over and it seems to him that an entire new World full of (often materialistic) opportunity has opened up. Everything seems achievable because the ”perceived’ shackles of old relationships no longer exist. And the Loner jumps for it. He starts afresh, slogging through the day to achieve the ambitions.

But this happiness is short-lived. In order to achieve any ambition, social interaction is necessary. This is where the trouble begins again. As we have no one close, even when we make mistakes (which every human does), no one is there to point it out. I am not saying that we need a guide for every decision we make. I am saying that even the most perfect of humans make mistakes because what they consider correct may be wrong from some other perspective.

The fault of a Lonesome existence is the lack of a neutral and/or opposing perspective. We perceive the world the way we grew up looking at it and not the way others did. So what for me is a garden hose may actually be the elephant’s trunk in the big picture.

Hence, it is necessary for us to understand that healthy social interactions with multiple persons in various healthy settings are an essential for healthy living. It helps us in learning and respecting different perspectives. This in no sense requires a modification of perspective if it is already healthy. But if your perspective is unhealthy, and you are making mistakes due to it, you are free to manufacture one by reaching logical conclusions from what you learnt from the discussions.

One may argue that this kind of interaction does not necessitates a real emotional bonding between two people and settings like workplaces, schools and parties are enough for a healthy living. But what we fail to realise is the fact that some aspects of our perspective are so deeply engrained (such as our understanding of love and friendship, of honesty and of our duties) that it needs to be constantly (and humbly) challenged to bring about a positive change. It also requires a lot of struggle to modify these often life-long understandings; which one can only cope with when there is a person who affirms the positive changes and supports even when things seem to be going wrong. It, also, has to be mutual: both the people in the relationship have to accept each others perspective and try to work out a common, undoubtedly better, perspective. [This is the reason that the institutions of marriage and friendship are held in high esteem: because two different people from two different backgrounds come together and create a harmony.]

Therefore,¬†we’ll modify our perspective and add to the requirements for healthy living making it, “healthy social interactions with multiple persons in various healthy settings at all levels of emotional attachment“.

In the end, I shall address the issue of ‘downs’ in any relationship. Whenever there is a down, question yourself. In most cases, the down is a result of events that took place because of mismatched perspectives. So instead of challenging the person, it is better to challenge your own and his perspective in a humble manner. Even in the worst case, when either of you are unable to modify it for the better; at least, both of will have an understanding, hence a sense of respect, for each others perspective.

  • You just raised the bar for yourself, way too high. Looking forward to seeing you top this. Great read and thanks for contributing.